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Wednesday, December 24, 2003

Mad cow disease found in the U.S.? Great. I just had a big pot of chili last night and have been craving beef like a bovine-eating lunatic. Sheesh.

I forgot to tell you guys:

When I was getting my fanny booted out of the hospital there was a PICC issue. I had been registering tiny fevers for a couple of days, and my in-laws were pretty freaked out about keeping my lumens patent (flushing them). The lumens were too short for me to reach with one hand. I couldn't screw the hypodermics on, and my in-laws were just terrified to touch them due to the fact that the line was just outside the opening of my heart and due to the former staph infection. I talked to Dr. Keanu about it, and he just broke down and said, "Let's pull the line." I was supposed to have the thing until after Christmas, but he pulled it.

"Let's pull it," said Keanu.
"Really?" I marveled.
"Yeah," he said, "let's do it."

Two days later I took my first real shower in three months. I had to sit down in the middle of it, because it was so exhausting. I can't stand up for too long without getting shaky and breathless. I've also got tachycardia. I've literally got the pulse of a three-year-old. I'm getting moon-faced from the steroids and from generally stuffing my face without being able to exercise one calorie away. However, I prefer to blame it on the 'roids, because it implies that all I have to do to stop looking like Jabba the Hut is stop taking a pill.

Wella, wella. Happy Christmas Eve, people. Remember the Reason for the season.

Picture Linus with his blue blanket shepherd's hat:

"And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, ‘Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; He is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a Baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.’"
Luke 2:8-12

Can they even play the Charlie Brown Christmas special on TV anymore? Or has the ACLU nipped that one in the bud too?


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