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Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Went to the doctor's today. Good news! There is no funneling, no dilation, and cervix has not shortened. In fact, it has lengthened! It is now 2.6 or 2.7 cm (out of 4 cm)! Good deal! Lengthen and strengthen! Keep praying!

Elise kicks her hello to you as I type this!

Three more weeks and we reach the stage of "viability" whatever that is. Babies have been born at 21 weeks and survived. "Viability" has more to do with technology than the baby's livability. Why, in 100 years they might be able to keep a 12-weeker alive. At any rate, I turned 21 weeks yesterday. I hope and pray we make it for at least three more weeks.

Doc said I can get off bed rest at eight months or so if I make it that far. I hope to! I'd get out of bed right around my birthday. That'd be a grand gift!

Potty Talk
Because I have issues with my cervix I don't really want to be sitting on the pot straining for poo to put it bluntly. I don't know if that has any effect on the cervix, but it can't be good. So one of my missions in life right now is to make my dookie endeavors as easy-breezy as possible. This involves the daily consumption of such things as bran, fruit, veggies and prune juice. So far so good. However, these foodstuffs do pose a problem for this Jumpin’ Jack Ash: it's a gas, gas, gas. (I’m such a nerd.)

The doc was a good sport and began telling me about the benefits of a good dose of simethicone when he was interrupted by my husband who had a better, drug-free solution. The doc and I yielded the floor while we listened in earnest for the alternative. All eyes on him, my husband grabbed my finger and began yanking on it saying, "This is the 'pull-my-finger' method, and it always works for me!" I made a few fart noises and we all had a good laugh.

The doc left the room and gave us a minute to gather ourselves before the sonogram tech was to come back in to help me off the table. As soon as the door closed a nice gas bubble settled right down to the bottom of things and, believing we had a few moments, I let it rip. It was silent but oh-so-deadly. My husband giggled at his newly singed eyebrows, and I remarked that the tech had better not come in for a while if she knew what was good for her. No sooner had the words left my mouth when the unfortunate tech stepped unaware into an atomic mushroom cloud.

"Do you think she smelled it?" my husband later asked in genuine wonder. I looked at him incredulously and replied, "People in New Zealand smelled it!"

So our visit was wonderful and really stank! Thank God you weren’t there! (No, really!)

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