Tuesday, February 10, 2004
Let's talk about disappointment, shall we? First, I would like all to know that yes, I did wait until noon, only just, to dine on the "rine," oh yes, I did. And after such a delightful appetizer I opened my Spongebob Squarepants sandwich keeper salivating for what I knew would be a delicious Boar's Head ham and dill havarti sammich on pumpernickel/sourdough swirl bread. Much to my utter dismay, staring back at me was a Boar's Head ham and dill havarti cheese sammy on CINNAMON RAISIN swirl bread.
Let me say it again:
ham, cheese, mustard and mayo on sweet cinnamon/raisin bread.
Mustard and dill on cinnamon toast with raisins.
Any takers?
Men.
I called my husband to berate him. That's right, the guy can't catch a break for trying. But seriously, really, what was he thinking? He was sorry, so, so sorry, but I was now without lunch! Sorry will not produce a sammy on the proper bread! "Eat your yogurt," he advised. "Fine," I said succinctly and hung up.
I slid the yogurt out of the cooler and read the label: Strawberry yogurt. A printed banner around the tub said something like: "Now with room for mixing in your own fun flavors!" In other words, the 8-ounce cup now only contains 6 ounces of yogurt. Less yogurt, same price. How novel. Ah well. I opened the top and then reached for my spoon. My spoon. Where is my spoon?
"Where is my spoon?" I asked my husband in yet another phone call to his office. "D'oh!" he replied.
He asked me to help him remember such things. I asked him if he needed me to remind him to wipe his butt after a good healthy poop, a healthy poop that I myself would not be having since I had no lunch!
Everyone wants to be married to me now. Alas, my husband has won me, so be content with the bitter tears of your sorrow and flog yourself pink every now and again as a gentle reminder of what life could have been had you been lucky enough to end up with me.
